wailmer: icon of Chie from P4 (P4 | Chie)
♞Knight ([personal profile] wailmer) wrote2012-03-10 01:30 am

Tick tock

What is happiness? I'm still wondering this (or perhaps have started to wonder this) after 22 years of living. In a week I turn 23. In a week, another year of my life will have ticked on by. This week a family friend, my Grandma's best friend, died. Unfortunately, instead of properly mourning this, I have half the problem of wishing this was me instead. I survive, by God do I survive. But I don't really see the point in living at all. I have neighbours from hell keeping me awake, I've texted the Police and I hope they settle down sometime soon, but you never know. It's a constant battle.

I also only have a few weeks left of classes, I finish the 30th April and thats with 3 weeks off between now and then. But I have no motivation. Nothing. I don't have counselling this week as my counsellor is away, but I need it. Trust it to be the week she's unavailable. It's not like she can give me the answer I need though.

I'm not even sure what the answer I need is.
imeltwthyou: (Thumbs up bb)

[personal profile] imeltwthyou 2012-03-12 06:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Slightly idiotic of me, but no wonder I didn't see this update on my list. XD I didn't have the good sense to hit "subscribe" when I granted you access to mine. That explains why I was all "...she saw mine. That probably means she updated. Where in the heck is it?" /facepalms at self

I'm not your counselor and I know it's not the same, but if you ever need to talk, I'm always there for you. And if you need something to sidetrack you besides a video game, then you've got it.

And I know this is going to sound stupid coming from someone who's felt the same for as long as I can remember, but... there's always something to live for. Small rewards for yourself. Things like your PS3, a log, game, or song - anything. Just as long as it makes you momentarily happy, go with it. Drown yourself in it. Sometimes that's all that can be afforded, especially in this world where everyone else is just thinking of themselves too. There's no sense in being miserable just because the world shits on you. Be happy in any way possible, just to stick it to whatever's trying to bring you down. Smile in the face of misery and let it know it hasn't won. ♥

Btw I know it's going to be late, considering I'm just asking now (and have the time/mind TO ask)... but I want to make you my first set of earrings. Is there a special design you might want? :3
imeltwthyou: Art unknown, iconed by me (Default)

[personal profile] imeltwthyou 2012-03-16 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
Actually I'm used to it now. XD But this was back when I didn't know my head from a hole in the ground.

You know. I wouldn't say it seems or sounds stupid as much as it says what you're doing is really not very healthy. Maybe it's because this is me, and after so much of men shitting on me I just don't give a damn and could never trust them enough, but I haven't really ever understood the connection you have with Eli. I mean, I can from a rational, textbook point of view. It sounds like he was your first love, and those never go away. So that's not the stuff I mean. What I don't understand is why you let yourself do this. He was only one man of many in the world, and from what I've seen he wasn't even a very good one (no offense). You're capable of being so wonderful with whomever you choose to open up to in this sense, but you'll never be able to do that if you keep sticking yourself back into a hole like this. It's okay to miss someone, so I'm not saying that, but it's not doing them any justice either if you're forever in pain over them. It means you can't allow yourself to love again.

So I get it, in a sense. It's just... not healthy.

I do understand not being connected to life, though. Whole heartedly. I hate looking out of my window and knowing there's no reason to go out there unless it's to buy something. Or see something. But maybe after you graduate uni and get a job somewhere, it'll be better? I mean, even if you can't find something there's always a way to make it. You have to be good at something, right? Anything will do. Like buying cheap clothes and reselling over the internet, for example. It takes a little money to make some, and if you keep the food spending down (lol) I'm sure you'll be able to do it! ♥

Ooo okay, though. Pandas... I don't know how, but I actually forgot about that. In that case, I think you'll likely get two sets of something. Probably. Once I... make them. The one you might get more of a kick out of, though. I just hope this stuff doesn't come out looking really cheap and stupid, honestly. :l